There was a knock at my open door, followed by "Hey, Bill..." I turned around, surprised to see Mel standing there. "Hey," I responded. "What are you doing here?" "Well..." she said in a tone that instantly indicated the girls wanted something from me. Between the three of them, I think they'd decided that Mel was the best ambassador to negotiate these deals. She stood there hanging on the door, exuding a kind of unconscious flirty sexuality that seems to come naturally to twenty-year-olds. She. In his fantasies, he was the loving and obedient boyfriend coming to the living room to give his big, muscular boyfriend some pleasure. He also allowed himself to fantasize how Sean's big burly body would feel like on top of him as he overtook him from behind.Neil took on the role a girfriend would play around the apartment. He would race home to make dinner for both of them, always takng into consideration what Sean would like to have. When he did his laundry, he would insist on doing. We spoke of Nuka and Paul, breakfast, favourite foods and better times of year to sleep under the stars. He kept on apologising for 'taking advantage' as he called it until I threatened to hit him again if he didn't shut up. I dreamt him dead again twice. I didn't tell him. We played each other music through the wall and read and analysed our favourite lyrics and poems for hours. I hated not being able to touch him.The resolution to our little escapade had in fact been quite painless after all. I met him on a rare night out with mygirlfriends; we kept colliding into each other visiting thebar. I remember smiling and saying something trite like‘fancy bumping into you again’ and he offered up a halfsmile. By the end of the evening we were both at the barfor last orders and, fuelled by too many white wines, I feltconfident enough to attempt to chat to him. He barelyacknowledged me; instead he slid his business card acrossthe bar to me, collected his drinks, turned and wanderedback to his.
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